Reality.

Dear fellows of the blogging world, what exactly is a lost london law student to do, when it is 4:33 am and he cannot sleep. There are so many worries going through my mind that the thought and action of sleeping will most likely not occur till about 8am. 8am however is the time I am supposed leaping out of bed, quick wash then towards the library where I shall be writing an essay for Admin Law, the bore of all law. More annoying is the fact that the essay is on a topic that was not even covered in a tutorial (not like I've been to many either) but one that was based on a lecture that we had to do further reading for. Who opts to do further reading? Ah yes successful people.

I spent the past week thinking about work and not doing much else. Bad LLLS for falling into a bad crowd that inevitably doesn't particulary care about uni work much, and has had so many unrelated problems that they don't even want a degree, and prefer spending money on the Euromillions in the chance of winning well millions, and developing a life of luxury which would most certainly end up as an early death. Bad LLLS for not doing any work over reading week, but prefering to think about it.

Whilst talking to my flatmate about my current degree status, and how I am either not enjoying it and thats why I don't do the work or the fact that I'm a lazy shit and thats why, she seemed to think that I have resigned myself to failure this year, and perhaps if I put the effort in now and tried my utmost that I would have at least have tried and gotten a class of a degree that I deserve.

So lets examine why do I want a career at the bar, that favourite olpas question and also the question that every chambers wants put into the covering letter when applying for a mini-pupillage. Like Lawminx it's all i've wanted to do for however long I can remember. (Well that and being a judge) Do I have a specific reason? No I don't. Will that be good enough? No.
Perhaps I should develop it into "I've always had a passion for the criminal justice system" or "I just like the idea of wearing a wig and a gown, and getting paid lots of money for it" Which I am sure will not go down well. I once asked at a Bar Society meeting at my university whether you could say "I've always wanted to be a barrister because I really liked Kavannah QC!" I was told I would be laughed at. Ah well.

The situation is still imminent though roughly 40 days till I finish this term, and then another 30 days till exams (including weekends) so lots of time to catch up? Or lots of time flounder and procrastinate. I entirely accept that being "lost" is completly my own fault, I am not sure whether I have just gradually got so lazy that I think it will all be alright in the end, or whether I just do not find the degree enjoyable, and lack the commitment, dedication and the work ethic (of actually doing it) to be good at law.

However if I do want to be commited, I have left it quite late really. I know some already who have given up all hope, and the thought of it too also gives them sleepless nights. Not sure I am ready to give up though just yet, but also not sure if i am ready and get going enough to make up for all the time I've spent fucking about.